Thinking in vain...

Provided to me by my friend Gary when I told him I'd never had Guinness:

1. If a pub has guinness on tap, and they fill the glass to the top in one pull, find a new pub (they are serving you muddy water)

2. If a pub has guinness on tap, and they don't have to let the pint settle for at least 2 or 3 minutes, find a new pub (the guinness is watered down)

3. If a pub doesn't have guinness on tap, but has the draught bottles or cans, make sure the bartender pours the guinness IMMEDIATELY after opening said bottle or can.

4. If a pub doesn't have guinness on tap, and doesn't have the draught cans/bottles, but has the extra stout, compliment them on their good taste.

5. If a pub doesn't have guinness on tap, and doesn't have the draught cans/bottles, and doesn't have the extra stout, take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself why you are there in the first place.